Contemplative Essay: On Death | Writing Creative Nonfiction

By Dave Hod

As men, we are all equal in the presence of death.

Publilius?Syrus
(~100 BC)

Introduction

?Death is the debt every man must pay?, wrote Euripides. Each day we are reminded about death. A report on the television about starving children in Africa or a suicide bomber in the Middle East. Headline in the newspaper about a murder suicide or honour killing. News of an untimely death from a loved one, friend, co-worker. It seems that death is everywhere. The Buddhist perspective views life as suffering, and death is an example of suffering. The Buddhist perspective also views life as impermanence. We are born, mature, decay, and die. Death is my greatest fear, and wasting away from Lou Gehrig?s disease or cancer is my second greatest fear.

Images of Death

When I think of death, there are images of an obituary in a newspaper memorializing a life lived; a casket containing the deceased person; ?people dressed on black; rituals of a funeral, eulogy, and burial; tears of sorrow; tormenting grief; memories of those who passed on; spirits that speak to the living; a grey tombstone inscribed with the words ?Rest in Peace.? I also look back to good times, struggles of sickness, last visits, final words spoken. I cannot remember the tone of the voice of anyone who has passed on.

When I think of death and dying, I recall my grandmother who slowly withered away, her mind dimming like a candle flickering out, until she was no longer the person I knew for 48 years. She died of dementia five years ago. I can still see her corpse lying under white sheets on the hospital bed. Her face was pale and she looked as though she was sleeping.

I also remember something that happened unexpectedly last year: a former girlfriend?s mother was told to put her affairs in order, as she had only a few months to live. That was in December of 2010. A few days before she fell unconscious, she talked to me, told me she experienced a good life and was blessed with amazing children. Two days later, after going to bed, she was discovered unconscious in the next morning. The family called 911. An ambulance arrived, and the attendants spent more than half an hour in the home, attempting to revive this elderly woman. I can still recall her being taken out, lying on the stretcher, flopping round, like a rag doll. She died a few hours later, March 4^th 2011. As I look back, I feel that my conversation with her was a ?goodbye.? It was as though see knew that death was near?and yet she didn?t fear death. And I will never forget how she always responded to the question: How are you doing?? She would always tell me: ?It?s a good day! My name is not in the obituaries.?

Death is a common image in our culture, especially in literature. Writers have created a river of poetry, essays, short stories, and novels that have address the topics of dying and death. For instance, the famous poet Dylan Thomas wrote:

And death shall have no dominion	?
by Dylan Thomas
?
And death shall have no dominion. Dead men naked they shall be one With the man in the wind and the west moon; When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone, They shall have stars at elbow and foot; Though they go mad they shall be sane, Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again; Though lovers be lost love shall not; And death shall have no dominion. And death shall have no dominion. Under the windings of the sea They lying long shall not die windily; Twisting on racks when sinews give way, Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break; Faith in their hands shall snap in two, And the unicorn evils run them through; Split all ends up they shan't crack; And death shall have no dominion. And death shall have no dominion. No more may gulls cry at their ears Or waves break loud on the seashores; Where blew a flower may a flower no more Lift its head to the blows of the rain; Though they be mad and dead as nails, Heads of the characters hammer through daisies; Break in the sun till the sun breaks down, And death shall have no dominion.	?

Poet Jane Kenyon, who was diagnosed with a terminal illness, wrote about dying in her poem Otherwise:

Otherwise

By Jane Kenyon

I got out of bed
on two strong legs.
It might have been
otherwise. I ate
cereal, sweet
milk, ripe, flawless
peach. It might
have been otherwise.
I took the dog uphill
to the birch wood.
All morning I did
the work I love.

At noon I lay down
with my mate. It might
have been otherwise.
We ate dinner together
at a table with silver
candlesticks. It might
have been otherwise.
I slept in a bed
in a room with paintings
on the walls, and
planned another day
just like this day.
But one day, I know,
it will be otherwise.

On Dying

?The fear of death is more to be dreaded than death itself?, said Publilius Syrus? The thought of dying can be a terrifying experience for most people, especially for people aren?t religious. The fear of nonexistence after death can provoke anxiety and panic. I fear death more than anything else. The prospect of nonexistence, nothingness, annihilation of the self is terrifying. That is why I?ve been a spiritual seeker for many years, searching for answers to life?s big questions. I certainly hope that when my time is up in this life, I don?t know about it. When death comes for me, I hope to die in my sleep or without warning. One of the worst experiences, I believe, is to be told by a doctor that you are terminally ill, and having to live each day knowing that your life is nearing an end. The prospect of death would provoke all sorts of questions: Does one wish to be buried or cremated? Who is the executor of the will? What happens after death? Is there an afterlife? Will the person ever see their loved ones again? One question can be answered: We are all going to die.

Some people will die suddenly, without warning. Others will experience much pain and suffering before they die.

What Happens after Death

There is no agreement on what happens after we die. The atheist argues that after death there is nonexistence. Nothingness. Annihilation of the mind, body, self, spirit and soul. We are born, mature, grow old, and die. And once we die, we cease to exist. There is no soul or spirit that lives on for eternity.

The agnostic has takes a different view. Most are spiritual seekers who are unable to answer definitively what happens after death. The typical agnostic has thrown away his faith in religion and relies on wishful thinking , logic, reasoning to answer the question: Is there an afterlife? Some believe the soul lives on; others believe that death results in annihilation or nonexistence. Most have no definite answer.

The Buddhists believe in rebirth. Death is not the end of life. It is only the end of the body we inhabit in this life. The spirit will live on and seek attachment to a new body and new life. The body we inhabit depends ones positive and negative past actions. (Karma)

The Christian believes in eternal life. Once we die, the soul lives on for eternity, while the mortal body decays, becomes a skeleton or dust. Since the time of Augustine (A. D. 354-430), Christians have been taught that between death and resurrection?a period known as ?the intermediate state??the souls of the dead either enjoy the beatitude of Paradise or suffer the affliction of Purgatory or Hell. In other words, for those who have lived a moral life, followed the ten commandments, believe that Jesus was the Son of God, they?re soul will live on in heaven. But for those who have sinned, not sought salvation, lived a wicked life, their souls will live on in hell. Many Christians also believe that death is a transition to another realm of existence.

What do we know about death? Upon death, the spirit leaves the body. The body decays and becomes dust. What happens to the mind? Can we still think after death?? Since the brain decays, it can be argued that we will have no sense of consciousness after death. We have no sensory perception?no sense of sight, smell, taste, touch, or hearing. What about the self? Does it live on?

The philosopher Descartes once said, ?I think, therefore I am.? And so, if the brain dies, decays into dust, and we cannot think after death, it can be argued that that the sense of ?self? ceases to exist after death. I tend to believe that life is like an eternal sleep without dreams. From this, you could imply that death means nonexistence and annihilation of the ?self?.

In reality, none of us really knows what will happen after death, until we experience it. But, we may never experience death, only dying. Death could mean that we are no longer able to perceive the world with our senses, think with our minds, experience consciousness that enables us to have a sense of ?self.? In other words, one moment you?re alive, thinking, feeling, experiencing; the next moment there?s annihilation of the body, mind, soul, and self?resulting in nonexistence or nothingness.? According to Isaac Asimov, the great science fiction writer, ?Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It?s the transition that?s troublesome.?

Death Evokes Grief

Death usually creates mental pain, anguish, even torment, for loved ones who must live on in this life. A death of a loved one, such as a spouse or child or parent, often results in unbearable grief. Poet W. H Auden captures the feelings of loss from death in ?Funeral Blues?:

?Funeral Blues? by W. H Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message ?He is Dead?.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

The last stanza in the poem sums up Auden?s view of death and the aftermath of grief: ?For nothing now can ever come to any good.? For Auden, everything after a death of a loved one is pointless or meaningless.

In her memoir ?A Year of Magical Thinker?, Joan Didion?writes about the unbearable sorrow of the loss of her husband, who died suddenly and unexpectedly of a heart attack. She shares her grief with readers, reliving and reanalyzing?her husband?s death, focusing on her emotions and physical responses to the shocking event. The title of the memoir ?A Year of Magical Thinking refers to a concept that anthropologists use. ? Didion says that magical thinking is? ?the feeling that you can control events by wishful thinking: ?The volcano will not erupt if we sacrifice such-and-such.? ?John will come back if I don?t give away his shoes.?

Many people who are faced with a terminal illness or life-changing event go through a process of grief.? In 1969, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross?wrote a bestselling book, ?On Death and Dying?, which described the five stages of grief that many people pass through when diagnosed with a terminal illness. (Her theory can now be applied to other types of grief associated with loss, such as the loss of a job, end of a marriage, loss of health from chronic disease.)These five stages have become inscribed in our culture. The five stages are: 1) Denial: ?I feel fine.?; 2) Anger: Why Me? It?s not fair!;3) Bargaining:? I?ll do anything to live for a few more years!?; 4) Depression: ?I?m going to die so what?s the point??; 5) Acceptance: ?I need to prepare for my death.? According to the theory and the research, not everyone experiences each stage of grieving. Some people remain?at a particular stage. Many people remain depressed. Other people are resilient, fighting to the end. For most who are in palliative care or hospices, there is grief counselling.

The Philosophy of Death

The University of Yale offers a course on the ?Philosophy of Death.? This course ?addresses many questions about dying and death, questions about metaphysics (abstract philosophical questions) about death. These questions include: What happens when we die? What are we? Do we have a soul? Do we have something that might survive the death of our body? ?Is the soul immaterial and exist forever? What is it for me to survive death? Questions about value. Is death bad or horrible? If, after my death, how could anything be bad for me? Perhaps death is not so bad. Would immortality be a good thing? How should the absolute fact of death effect how I live? Should I despair about death? Is suicide morally justified under certain circumstances? (For more information, see www.academicearth.org/lectures/death-intro ?)

I?ve listened to these lectures on the Philosophy of Death. I believe in dualism. Each of us consist of a body and a soul. The body is a physical object and material. The soul is an immaterial, nonphysical entity. So if the body decays after death, does the soul survive the death of the body? This would imply that the soul is not dependent on the body. And supposing the soul survives, as Christians believe, does this mean that the soul lives on forever? If so, then we are saying that? the soul is immortal.? None of us will know until we die.

Death is a Teacher

The Buddhist perspective views death as one of the greatest teachers. Life is precious and uncertain. Life is short and tenuous. Nobody knows when they?ll take their last breath. Death can strike at any time, when we least expect it. When skier Sarah Burke died from a ski fall recently, she did not know that her life would come to an abrupt end as she skied and then crashed. Death came as a thief in the night, when she least expected it. Therefore death instructs us to live in the present moment. Yesterday is a memory etched in your mind. It cannot be changed, and you should not dwell on the past. It is just wasted time and energy. Tomorrow is wishful thinking, just a daydream, or hope of a future reality. All we really have is the present moment. We should do what is important today. Follow our passion today, and not put off. We should begin living our dreams today, because we don?t know if we?ll see the sunrise tomorrow. Death teaches us to do what is important, meaningful, and purposeful today. Why? Because we might not have the chance to do it tomorrow.

A few year ago, writer Mitch Albom?wrote ?Tuesday?s with Morrie?, a memoir about Albom, a young man, and Morrie, an old man, who are reunited after 20 years. Morrie is Albom?s former university professor, coach, and friend. Morrie, who has had a rich life, filled with love, friendships, achievement, meaning, and purpose. He is now dying of Lou Gehrig?s Disease. After their reunion, both agree to visit each Tuesday. During each visit, with death knocking on the door, Morrie shares his wisdom of life?s greatest lessons and the meaning of life, including:

?So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they?re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they?re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.?

?Forgive yourself before you die. Then forgive others?As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on?in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.?

Writer Ray Robertson captured the meaning of death best in his book, ?Why Not? : Fifteen Reasons to Live?, a collection of essays on important topics, including one on death. He wrote: ?Not being able to forget death or to argue away its solemn significance, then, why not simply accept it and actually attempt to utilize it in a way that might increase one?s happiness while one is still alive??

Clearly, all one really has is the present moment of time, and so each of us must live in the ?here and now.? Moreover, each of us my embrace and live our passion. For we might not have the opportunity to live what is blissful tomorrow. And so, death also teaches us to take steps today to fulfill our passionate desires and dreams. Marcus Aurelius summed it up best: ?It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.?

Other Sources

For more information about dying and death, you can view:

• On Grief and Grieving by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
• A Course at Yale University: The Philosophy of Death: http://academicearth.org/lectures/death-intro
• Tuesdays With Morrie ( A memoir) by Mitch Albom
• Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
• A Year of Magical Thinking (A Memoir) by Joan Didion
• The Last Lecture (A memoir) by Randy Pausch
• The Last Lecture (website), www.thelastlecture.com

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Source: http://writingcreativenonfiction.wordpress.com/2012/02/02/contemplative-essay-on-death/

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